A lot of people tell me that I'm funny and my blog is hilarious. As my family would be quick to tell you, I'm not inherently funny. I rank only 4 out of 6 in the scheme of things. My blog is merely a means for me to relay the hilarious things that just happen to me. Like out of the blue. Here is one such day...
My sister has convinced me to run a half marathon with her this fall. Neither of us were runners before 2011. The jury is still out on whether we're runners yet.
Our training now includes longer runs. I've decided that we should run these together (physically, not over the phone) in order to actually complete these runs!
There is a 14 mile trail near Katie that is perfect because you don't have to contend with broken sidewalks and horrific Johnson County suburbia hills. Ugh
In order to make things a little more intriguing, we left my truck at the end of the trail and drove Katie's car to the trailhead. That way we would have a long, scenic 10 mile stretch ahead of us to enjoy. I'd been reading on the website that you should lock away your valuables when you park your car, as predators troll the trail parking lots. So I carefully stowed everything in the glove compartment and we headed out.
Two miles into the trail, Katie discovered that she needed a bathroom. We'd passed the porta-potty at the beginning and the one-mile-marker. And neither of us thought to put Kleenex in our pockets. So, I was still jogging the appropriate intervals, Katie was just trying to make it to the porta-potty that was supposed to be located at four miles. It wasn't. And the cramps kept on a-comin'.
At this point, I jogged ahead slightly and found the next shelter at four and a half miles. Not only did it have a bathroom, it had toilet paper! I've never been so happy to see a glorified porta-potty in my life!
And yes, we did stuff our pockets with toilet paper. And later when I blew my nose, it smelled like the porta-potty. Gross.
So, Katie's colon is cleansed, we should be good, right? We get back into our rhythm of running and do a darn good job (if I do say so myself!). We breeze past mile-marker five and we're visiting, running, talking to our mom on the phone (conference, of course). Just before mile-marker six, a sudden realization hits me.
Those valuables I stowed away in my glove compartment? Included my keys.
My truck, at the end of the trail, was locked up tight.
I just stopped running, bent over, and started laughing. Katie looked at me like I had gone insane. I was laughing a little like I had. I think they call that "punch drunk".
With no other choice, we turned around and began the six miles back to Katie's car. Which we did have the keys for. Katie was less than pleased. I was still laughing. (Honestly, it still makes me giggle)
We gave it a good effort, but with four miles to go, Katie's phone died and I decided to quit using my iPod in order to save battery. It was the kind of day where something horrible would happen only when both phones died. I was trying to avoid that.
The lack of music, tired muscles from the Zoo Run the day before, the porta-potty adventures, the never ending phlegm from our head colds and all-round fatigue conspired against us. We walked the rest of the way back. Or limped. I entered it into my calorie-burning calculator as walking. That's what I'm sticking with.
Things we discovered on this run:
~Katie is very possibly lactose intolerant.
~You do use your abs to run.
~Racing day is racing day. No matter how short the race, don't run the next day!
~Holes in your shoes are a badge of determination. Badges will not help you run a half marathon.
~You really should give yourself time to get over a cold before resuming training. It only gets worse. True story.
This blog does a poor, poor job of conveying the hilarity of that day. But it does help me relive the memory! :)
